Waiting

Just an update while I wait. I was supposed to hear back about the job in Utah some time this weekend. I guess I shouldn't expect much puncuality after the mix up on interview times. I can't complain too much about that though. I got a copule days off from work out of it. I have mixed feelings about going to Utah, but I really hate the job I have. I hate living at home when I think I should be done with all of that now. I hate being out of school with only an associates degree to show for it. I just hate where my life is right now, and I don't really see a lot of other options.

I'm definetly going to miss people here if I go. It sucks that my brother just got back in town and I'm suddenly trying to get out. I had some tenative plans in my head for things we could do. It's just been good seeing him and his whole family again. I don't even mind having to move all of my crap upstairs anymore. I'm as settled here as I ever was down in my old room, which is to say I can either have a cleared off floor, or a cleared off bed, but never both. I'll miss a bunch of the people at church too. That one might be a little tougher, since the odds are that if I leave now I'll never see any of them again. If I could I would just move the job and school that I've been looking into in Utah over to here. Not have to leave anything or anyone. But I guess that's not usually how things work out. Life sucks and then you die.

There are people I won't miss, and a few who I would be happy to never see again. And, although I don't hate work every day, and there are a few people there who I enjoy seeing when I show up, there's not a damn thing I'll really miss about that place. Most Sunday nights I just sit up late for a while dreading going to sleep because I know that as soon as I do the whole thing is going to start over again. Even if I don't get the Utah job I know I'm not going to last much longer at this place. I can't stop thinking of ways to get out gracefully. It just seems somehow wrong to flat out quit. I shouldn't worry about it too much. I'll get out of there sooner or later.

Anticipating a response after this last interview is killing me though. I just hate waiting for some stranger to call or email me to let me know how my life is going to turn out.