Paquin Danes

Holy Crap!

I just realized that Anna Paquin is not Claire Danes. I thought that was Danes in X-Men, or in Darkness. The resemblance is uncanny.

I'm just about done with school here too. I don't really let things sink in, and I don't get exited about them, until they happen, and are solid. This, however, is starting to materialize. I worry though about what is coming next. I know I want to make some money, and I know I want to keep studying forever, but I don't know the best way to make that happen. The simplest would be to stay here and search for a job. Once I have one I could move out of the basement and investigate schools. There are some friends of mine who are moving to Las Vegas, and I have thought about going out there. I know someone there I could stay with for a while until things stabilize. Once I have residency, one year after I get a Nevada driver's license, I could go to a big school like UNLV. Or, I could join the military. I scored in the 99th percentile on my ASVAB(general knowledge), and I got a 133 on my DLAB (language aptitude), which is quite good. A score of 100 would be good enough to qualify to study any language they offer. With the scores, and the college credits I already have, I would be looking at a pretty large bonus, and advanced starting rank. I would go in as a linguist, going to school in California for a couple of years. That would earn me another associates degree. After that I'd owe three years to the Army, working wherever they want me to.

I don't like the fact that I would be leaving everyone I know, or that I would not be able to leave until they let me, but the rest of it sounds amazing. On the other hand, the other two opportunities are great too, and they don't require the loss of freedom. I wish I could figure this one out.

Slacker

It's been a few days. My birthday was nice, but uneventful. We're having a family dinner/celebration this Sunday though, and I'm going out with a few friends (Alice, and four other people I haven't mentioned here) this Saturday. I'm looking forward to that.

I hurt my foot last week pretty bad. It's still sore, but I can walk without limping or anything. Just hurts when I move my toes too far. But, the way I hurt it gives me some pretty cool bragging rights. I was slacklining. They had the line up at the rock gym again, and I was doing alright. I can take a few steps without leaning on a stick or anything, which is not bad for a beginner. In case I haven't mentioned before, slackline is like a tightrope, only with a little more slack. It looks tight, but when you step on it, it gives and sways. Kind of bounces a bit like a trampoline. Anyway, when you fall off you usually fall to one side, and the line snaps your ankle as your weight slides off of it. It hurts, but not as bad as a bowstring snapping your forearm when shoot an arrow with your elbow locked. That's not what happened. I fell with one leg on either side of the line. I was worried about other things than how my feet would hit the ground. I didn't damage the other things, because the line is only about three feet up, but I landed with my left toes curled under, kind of like a ballet on point thing gone too far. I still climbed, and slacklined after that, but the next morning I was woke up at five from the pain. By Saturday I could walk okay.

Speaking of Saturday, that speed-dating thing was kind of fun. I got, like, seven matches. The girls outnumbered us three to one though, so it's not that great of an accomplishment. I'm especially happy with a couple of matches. Alice, and another girl I kind of like. I will call her Jane. I don't think I've called anyone Jane yet, and Jane is going all millitary here, so it's sort of fitting. I've gone out with both Alice and Jane before, but it was a total set-up thing. That was back a few months ago at the last church run dating game. This one isn't so much of a setup. At least our opinions are taken into account this time.

That sums up my last couple of weeks. So, see you next time.

Valentine's Day

Odd thing, Valentine's Day. I think it's one of the least enjoyed holidays. Just above all those ones that no one is sure what to do with, like Boxing Day. Not that no one appreciates Valentine's Day, just that most dislike it. I've always loved it of course. What's not to love. This one was as special and dear to me as all the rest.

I actually had plans, that's a first, but they were big group kind of plans. Also, it was not an orgy. We just watched some old movie, a bunch of us from church. It was Pillow Talk. Stars Doris Day and Rock Hudson. Not a bad movie, very dated, but funny. Good people there too. Alice was there, but I still don't know what to do with her. We are going to a Moroccan restaurant in a couple of weeks. It will be good to talk to her. I like Moroccan food. I like belly dancers. I like sitting on the floor with no shoes to eat. Moroccan restaurants are freakin' awesome.

In other news, I was talking with Pirate again. He's got some issues with this girl he went out with once. Revenge issues. He thinks she's out to ruin his life, and I talked him out of pulling some crap he'd have to regret later if he has a soul. That sounded harsh. I'm pretty sure he has a soul. Also, he's going to a movie with Jade this weekend. Those crazy messed up kids. Jade by the way is no longer engaged to that guy she got engaged to a couple of weeks after we called it quits. Also, she lives in a junkyard. In a house on junkyard property actually. Whatever vermin live in the junkyard though, she is far better off there than with her mother. Some vermin just can't be tolerated.

There's some kind of dating thing coming up here on Saturday. Another church activity. This one is a speed dating thing. The kind where you have a series of brief conversations with members of the opposite sex, and then submit a confidential list of who that you spoke with you would like to go out with. The lists are compared, and if you both match with a positive rating, phone numbers are shared, special crap happens. I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to this thing, or fearing it.

Sunday is my birthday. That I can safely look forward to. Liking that. I'll be a quarter of a century old.

Also, I reviewed my finances today. I've got about 50 bucks in the bank, and I owe about 5000 between credit cards and family. Life. Freakin' education. Freakin' everything. I don't need to be rich or anything. I don't need to drive the nicest car, and live in the biggest house. I just want to have enough money to support myself and my wife/family, assuming I ever go anywhere with that whole thing. I'd like to drive a car that stops all the way when I step on the brake, one where the lights always work, and the pedals never fall limp to the floor. Freakin' broken cables. Also, one that does not leave the occupants smelling oddly of gasoline all day. And, I would like a house big enough for me and my stuff. Big enough to entertain friends, and set up a hydroponic greenhouse.

So, there's a nice update for the month. It's not cheering me up any, so now's about the best time to stop. I'll be sure to let you know if anything cool goes on with the dating thing, or my birthday.

Speaking

So, apparently I was not petrified speaking from the pulpit. I was scared crapless however. My mouth was dry, and I kept forgetting what I was about to say, but I had it all written down. Everyone tells me I did a great job, and although that sounds like the kind of thing you tell someone whether or not they did well, I'm inclined to believe them. I just prefer too. The topic I was given was hope. Not exactly one I would have picked on my own, but it worked okay. If I ever put the talk online, I'l be sure to link to it from here.

I've got some other stuff to tell, regarding this guy I know who, although he means well, seems to get on everyone's nerves, and this girl, who is freakin' awesome. Not so much about them together, as just them. I'm not sure what to say about them though, just something odd, that I just cant wrap my mind around.

So, there's this girl. I've mentioned her before. She's the one from the climbing entry, and I think I mentioned her in a date entry, not Jade. I'm going to call this one Alice. She's freakin' awesome. I've liked her for some time now, but it's not like we've ever done anything or talked about any of this, and really I don't know if she's into me at all. It's not too big a deal or anything, and she is awesome as a friend, so I'm not pushing anything.

Then, there's this guy. For anyone who isn't real familiar with mormon stuff, we have this thing where we pair off, and visit with all of the families in our unit. We see how they're doing, if they need anything, and share some sort of religious message with them. The guy I get paired of with, we shall call him Pirate, is not much of a social guy. I don't want to say anything too bad, because Pirate is at heart not too bad a guy, I don't think, but he comes on a bit harsh at times, and a bit odd at others. He insults people a lot. I'm sure it's some sort of defensive thing. He is always thinking about getting married. Obsessed with it really. Rushing too. He has a crush on someone, and talks to me about spending the rest of his life with them. Reminds me of Jade that way. Rambles on about stuff too. A lot. I don't see him as any kind of match for Alice.

That's where the thing is that weirds me out here. He is strongly under the impression that Alice has a thing for him. Now, I like Pirate as much as anyone, but I just can't see someone like Alice going all ooh-la-la over him. Maybe it is just jealousy. That would suck. I don't want to be that guy. He asked her if she wanted to go to a movie with him sometime. I was sitting next to them today at a thing. She said okay. I've seen her turn down a guy who seems like a much better fit, who asked her to some opera. I don't believe she really goes for Pirate.

He keeps talking to me about it too, and I'm at a loss for what to say. I've seen him go nuts for a couple of other wonderful ladies as well, and I don't think they were too thrilled with the attention. He was talking to one of them about marriage after a half date sort of thing. I'm pretty sure she strongly dislikes him at the moment.

I think there are people who I can understand and relate to quite well, and there are a few people who I just will never get. Like this guy, and this other guy who I know through family friends. I wonder if I seem like these guys to anyone, or if these people even understand some of the stuff that they do. It's baffling.

I'm going to go now. It's freakin 3:00 in the morning, and I'm pretty freakin' tired. I've had a headache for an hour now, but it's starting to fade, and I think I can sleep now, so I'll talk to all of you later.

The happiest place on earth

I would have written a bit ago, but I went on vacation, and I was dead. Not the bad, "there ain't no comin' back," kind, just beat. I went to Disneyworld with a few people. Didn't sleep at all on the way up, only slept a little on the way back. Ran around a lot. It was good fun though. Turns out I'm a big fan of Moroccan music. They had a band playing in Epcot. I had to get the CD. I got it signed by everyone too. The belly dancer leaves a kiss print to sign it. It’s good to be back though. Unfortunately I have been assigned to speak in church today. I’m pretty well prepared, but who ever really wants to speak from the pulpit. I guess that’s just something you do though. I’ve got to go get ready here, but maybe when I get back I can regale you with great tales of stage fright.

New Year 2005

I had a nice new year, one I needed a bit of recovering from. New year's eve I went climbing with my brother, sister, and sister's fiance who were all in town. I did a 5.10- which in case you don't know, is quite good for me. Then I went to a friends house for dinner, caught some fireworks at midnight, and sat around talking. This other guy who was there knows a shocking amount about mormon doctrine, theology, and history. Good guy to discuss and argue with.

New Years Day, with about five hours of sleep I went sledding with a bunch of other friends. It was wild. we built this huge jump, and a few of us went down the hill standing up on the sleds like some kind of crappy snowboard. Sunday I just mostly hurt. It was good though.

Turns out, there's some wacky news about Jade. She started dating some guy right after the two of us cut it off. Two weeks later now, and she's engaged. No one saw that coming, but I think it's pretty cool, so long as it all goes well. Good luck to the both of them.

I love egg

Every now and then you just come across something that makes you stop and say WTF!!! This is one of those things. The Iloveegg website is bizarre, and I can't figure out if the site is trying to boost the egg industry, like, "Beef, it's what's for dinner," and, "Got Milk?" or, if they are trying to sell something like Hello Kitty. I tell you, the things people do.

Anyway, that's about all I have for now. Merry Christmas, or Happy Hanukkah, or Glad Yule, or whatever it is you do. Festivus?

Talent

There was a talent show a couple days ago, combined with a Christmas dinner at church. They were short on people, so I performed. I play guitar a bit. The show was not bad, and I wasn't the low point or anything, so that was cool. There was a lot of pretty good stuff. A couple other people with guitars, a few singers. Usual stuff I guess. Then today, we had a Christmas program, being the Sunday before Christmas and all. It went fairly well, could have used a little more polish though. Not the best one I've ever been in, but it was the first time our choir ever performed.

Just to update on Jade, we talked, and she asked me what I wanted. It told her. We're doing the friends thing now. I think it will fade. Like I said, nothing in common. She was talking to some other guy, at a movie a whole crapload of us were at. He has a girlfriend, but he seems to like her alright. Unless I'm just nuts or something.

Jade

So, here's one.

Kind of a big day, a big week really. I just came in from outside, I spent some time out there walking around, thinking. The cold is still in my fingers, and it makes it hard to type.

I said it's been a big day/week, not a good one, although it has honestly been great. Also, given the choice I may prefer to do without it.

I met this girl. Really she met me. I didn't have a whole lot to do with the proceedings, although I was certainly a willing participant. I'm going to call this girl Jade in this post, for the sake of anonymity.

So, Jade came up to me, we were talking, she told me some pretty personal things. Things you wouldn't normally share with people, but she said she really liked me. I liked her, too. This was all last Monday. It's Friday now, early Friday. Late Thursday really.

We went out with a bunch of friends, to Denny's. Just to hang out really. No one was hungry. Jade asked me If I liked her. If I wanted to go out with her. The idea intrigued me. No one has ever liked me like that before, and I had seen her before, and thought she was pretty cute. Different from the others I see around church too. I drove her home that night. I went home feeling like I had won the lottery.

Jade has one screwed up life. I really feel bad for her, and I know I can't ever really understand where she is coming from.

She seems to have some kind of problems with dependency. Maybe that's all she saw in me, someone to love so she can feel whole. I wish I could help her with that. She seems so strong in so many other ways, but she constantly asked me if I loved her, and was always telling me that she gave me her heart, and that she would love me forever.

I can't cope with that.

Maybe it's just that Jade is too much younger than I am. There is a bit of a gap, and although I don't doubt her sincerity when she says she loves me, I can't believe that she understands what she is saying.

It's too cold in here. I can't type right. Shivering too much.

Okay, back with coat. I think I was out too long. I wanted to feel the cold, to feel something, but It just wasn't hitting me. It's hitting me now.

Anyway, The day after Denny's, she called me. She wanted to know if I wanted to go hang out at her house. It was great. We just hung around for a while, talked. I met her brother, he's a putz. But he's just at that age. Her mother came home. Her mother is short, skinny, missing a couple of teeth, and has a mullet going on. Jade doesn't especially get along with her mother. She gets along with her father, step-father, okay, but he's in jail for some DUI sort of thing.

After a while, we started watching a movie. Waterworld. I like that movie. It just has a cool style to it. Normally when I say a movie has a cool style, it's a Tim Burton movie, but this one has a totally different feel. Jade likes the movie alright too. We were sitting by each other of course, and she put her hand on my chest. There was a time not too long ago, when I thought that would be just about the perfect way to watch a movie, and it turns out it was. As I left that night, we were saying goodbye, and she kissed me. I've never done that before. It was really nice.

I don't think we have too much in common though. I'm working on getting a couple more technical certifications to go with the CCNA I already have, and Jade hates computers. She wants to be either a nurse, a veterinarian, or a cosmetologist. I thought the first two were cool, but it turns out, Jade has a thing against gross things (the scenes from Waterworld were a bit much for her), and science (It came up a couple of times, and she just changed the subject, and said she didn't like that sort of thing). Understandable, but not exactly something I find desirable. Jade is not without her good points. She has a sort of goth-punk thing going, which I really kind of like, and she doesn't let it get so harsh that it gets annoying, She's into rodeo, and knows stuff about cows and horses. Not an interest I share, but it's nice to talk about briefly.

Anyway, I kept hoping there would be something we would have in common that would come up. We had only known each other for a couple of days, so there was a lot we didn't know about each other.

The thing that bugged me I think was the dependency. I was thinking maybe that was just an initial thing, maybe it would mellow out in a bit. Tuesday, Jade must have called me like four or five times. She kind of wanted me to go over again. We were already planning on me going down there on Friday. I don't know much about relationships, but I'm thinking that can't be right. She called me as much on Wednesday too. It was nice talking to her both days, just a bit overwhelming. She did it again today. She always wants to know if I love her, I thought I was clear that I didn't know yet. She told me she had given me her heart, that I knew that, and today, she said I was ripping it up and throwing it away.

I can't deal with that.

We were standing around at church today, talking with a bunch of friends. I find them to be friends. I thought she liked them. She apparently hates the guy I was talking to. She says he really frustrates her. She walked up to him, and hugged him a couple of times, seemed to me that she liked him okay. He made a couple of cracks about how women were nothing but trouble, I laughed, she got pissed.

Women are nothing but trouble.

Jade started doing things like pulling the hair on the back of my head, smacking my arms, pinching my back. None of which are too unpleasant, but I have to wonder where she is going with this. She's had a few, maybe more than a few boyfriends who were abusive. I'm not saying she did anything on the level of what she's told me about, but this was a sudden change that I don't like.

The guy she says she hates asked why I was getting punished for what he said. Shortly after that she went outside and told me to follow her. I left them to go talk. That was when she said I'm ripping her heart up. She asked me again if I even want to keep dating her. She asks me so much I wonder what she wants. I think I'm done now. We're going to talk tomorrow. I've got to say something about this all, I just don't know what. I'm just pretty sure this is over now.

That was when I started walking around. I cut up my fists a bit on a brick wall, I ran a little, the cold air made my lungs hurt. I laid on the grass (the areas that had no snow) for a while to think. And I walked around some more. Then I put my coat back on, got in the car, and drove home. I'm sure there are better ways to deal with stress, but I don't know them.

So, one girlfriend for almost a week. That's like a record. Anyway, I'm still cold, and I'm tired, and I've had about enough of this for now.

Now with 30% less lame!

This blog comes to you with 30% less lame. This means I finally bit the freakin' bullet, and did that whole bit of a date thing. The one I've been supposed to do since August 28th. It was a hoot. We watched Hero. It's a good movie. Awesome style, unusual story. Good company to watch it with.

In other news, I've completed another semester at the community college. I got straight A's in all four classes, and now need to schedule the A+ exam with CompTIA. Wish me luck. I understand that it is much easier than the CCNA exam, which I already have passed, but you're never sure until it's over.

I also just finished a couple of Neil Gaiman's books. I recommend American Gods, and Stardust. Both good. Both seem typical of what I have come to know of Gaiman's style. He seems to like the surreal fantasy world, but in American Gods, like Neverwhere, he keeps it in a modern setting, still as unreal as Tolkien's works. Gaiman does tend to have some moments that are just a little too unbelievable, but his characters stay interesting, and real, and the characters are really why I read the books anyway.

Alright, I've got some studying for the big exam, and some sleep to get here, and the sleep is about to win out over both studying and writing.