I called in to work this morning, like they have me doing lately, to see if they needed me. Turns out they didn't. That makes exactly one week with no work. That's always a nice thing when you asked for it, but when it just happens it's not really so great. At least I don’t need to go in Monday to turn in one of those pesky sheets with my hours written down so I can get paid. I mean it's such a drag to get paychecks. Not that a paycheck would be overwhelmingly huge these days. My last week I had eighteen hours to put down, and the one before that I had twelve. I never did plan on staying here as long as I have, but this kind of drives home how much I don't want to be in this business.
I think I'm adding computers to the list of businesses I don't want to be in. I don't have any great dislike for them, but when I started working on that career path I thought that it would be easy, easy to get into and lucrative. It seems that while they are relatively easy to work with the business is not easy to get into, and once in, it's not lucrative. I could probably get in okay if I took a load of classes on other computer things, try to broaden a bit. I've got the CISCO networking stuff, and the A+ hardware stuff down alright, but that's not enough given the job market.
Thing is, I'm not so sure I ever really cared about this job field that much, I just thought it would be the next logical step. So, the current job selection is EMT. That's right, an ambulance guy. Beats being a fire alarm guy. The initials for ambulance guy are much less offensive. Besides, I understand this is a good career for deciding if you could hack it in the medical field. One semester of college is a lot less than four years plus med school, so the initial investment is reasonable too. Besides, I think I might actually like this job for what it is and there are other things that this can lead to. I've been reading up on it, and a lot of paramedics go on to other jobs in the medical field, like physical therapy, or nursing. And it seems that these things pay more than I would have guessed. I'd like to say that that isn't really important to me, that I'm doing it just to help people, but when you don't have money and you have to live with your parents, money gets a bit more important. Well, that ought to be enough post for one month. Course, I'm a month behind, but maybe I'll get another one up here while it's still January.
Friday, January 6, 2006
Monday, November 28, 2005
Nasty Rotten Food
So I was at work today. I found myself far away from the office, and in a part of town that, at night anyway, serves as the red light district. I've seen men muttering as they walk along that street, yelling at someone in their minds. It was about lunch time, and there didn't even seem to be any crappy restaurants nearby. This street is reputed to have good Mexican food, but I guess that was not in this area. Fortunately, the library we were testing the fire alarms at had an attached eatery. Unfortunately it was a coffee shop. Fortunately they served sandwiches. Unfortunately they were all the pre-made variety made famous by gas stations. Fortunately these sandwiches were made by Udi's, a brand I had heard of and liked. Unfortunately the sandwich I bought expired just before the Thanksgiving weekend. Fortunately the expiration date was clearly marked on the label. Unfortunately the clearly marked expiration date had been covered with white out by un unsavory counter clerk. Fortunately I noticed the date anyway. Unfortunately I had already eaten half of the sandwich.
You would think the flavor would have been a tip off, or the bit of a smell that isn't normally present in a sandwich. I guess I was pretty hungry, or stupidly trusting. After some spitting I walked back over to the coffee shop, and got my money back. After some slight vomiting I returned to work, and after returning home I reported them to the department of health. Bastards.
On a more appetizing note, Thanksgiving was great. I saw some people, family and friends, played some football, ate great food, and the next day I hunted down other people and shot them. I got shot too a bit. Paintball is a pretty cool game. I'd try it again. Really it was great to see my brother my sister and her husband in Utah. It was great to see some old friends up there too. I've been thinking again about moving out there. This time I've been thinking more of SLC than Provo/Orem. It really depends on where I can find work. Also in consideration are Reno, Las Vegas, and Denver. I do know a few people in Salt Lake though. And I would like to see them on a more regular basis. Also, I kind of dig the culture there. Utah isn't really a bad place, despite it's reputation. I wouldn't mind seeing if I can get used to it again.
You would think the flavor would have been a tip off, or the bit of a smell that isn't normally present in a sandwich. I guess I was pretty hungry, or stupidly trusting. After some spitting I walked back over to the coffee shop, and got my money back. After some slight vomiting I returned to work, and after returning home I reported them to the department of health. Bastards.
On a more appetizing note, Thanksgiving was great. I saw some people, family and friends, played some football, ate great food, and the next day I hunted down other people and shot them. I got shot too a bit. Paintball is a pretty cool game. I'd try it again. Really it was great to see my brother my sister and her husband in Utah. It was great to see some old friends up there too. I've been thinking again about moving out there. This time I've been thinking more of SLC than Provo/Orem. It really depends on where I can find work. Also in consideration are Reno, Las Vegas, and Denver. I do know a few people in Salt Lake though. And I would like to see them on a more regular basis. Also, I kind of dig the culture there. Utah isn't really a bad place, despite it's reputation. I wouldn't mind seeing if I can get used to it again.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Test Results
If you learn nothing else from my blog, learn that I post infrequently, and that when I say I'll get back to you when I get the test results, I mean eventually I will. At least it turns out that way. I'm in Mensa now. I'll be going to my first Mensa thing tomorrow. It involves a new pizza place in town that is going to have to be tried out. Mostly this one is just a big get to know everyone thing. I'm looking forward to it.
In other news, my job is going well enough. I got home two hours late today, seeing as how they had me driving to a city way to the south of here, and then had me stay down there picking up a few things until a snow/rain/fog storm and rush hour traffic hit. I can't complain too much. I've been getting off early quite a bit recently. Still, I'm thinking I need to move on to something else. I can't see any future working for a fire safety company. It's good temp work, but the idea of getting old here makes me sick. The problem is, I'm not sure what else I should be doing. By not sure, I mean I have no idea. I went to school for a variety of computer/tech topics, but I only ever wanted that because I thought it would be easy money. Turns out that's what everyone thought, so now it isn't. I'm sure I could be quite successful with it anyway, but it would take a lot of time and work, and if I'd be happier with something else I don't really have that time to waste. That's no reason to stay where I am, but I can't be logical all of the time.
I'm sort of hoping to make some interesting contacts with Mensa. Maybe someone there has had similar problems and has worked through them successfully. Here's hoping.
In other news, my job is going well enough. I got home two hours late today, seeing as how they had me driving to a city way to the south of here, and then had me stay down there picking up a few things until a snow/rain/fog storm and rush hour traffic hit. I can't complain too much. I've been getting off early quite a bit recently. Still, I'm thinking I need to move on to something else. I can't see any future working for a fire safety company. It's good temp work, but the idea of getting old here makes me sick. The problem is, I'm not sure what else I should be doing. By not sure, I mean I have no idea. I went to school for a variety of computer/tech topics, but I only ever wanted that because I thought it would be easy money. Turns out that's what everyone thought, so now it isn't. I'm sure I could be quite successful with it anyway, but it would take a lot of time and work, and if I'd be happier with something else I don't really have that time to waste. That's no reason to stay where I am, but I can't be logical all of the time.
I'm sort of hoping to make some interesting contacts with Mensa. Maybe someone there has had similar problems and has worked through them successfully. Here's hoping.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
The big one
So, today's the big day. I'm heading out in a bit to take the Mensa test. I'm not normally nervous about tests, especially IQ sort of tests, but they don't accept pretty good on this, they want top two percent. I should have no problem relaxing about this though, it's not like anything really matters here. There are no scholarships or jobs that I know of based on Mensa membership. Still, It's something I've been wanting to do for as long as I can remember. I'll probably have another post on this later today or early tomorrow, with the results. Unless it takes some time to get the results back.
That's not all that's going on today. October 22nd, 2005 must have some kind of otherworldly attraction, making all people want to host an event right now. There's just too much going on today. My nephew is having a birthday party today. I'm still not sure if I'll be able to make it, but it would be cool.
That's not one of the biggest events, they get bigger.
There's a church superevent. Some big all day activity. By all day I just mean from 8:30am to 11:30pm. They've got a bunch of speakers and probably lunch. After this, I'm sure they'll break for dinner and then begin the dance. I like church dances okay, which is not to say that I like them. Mostly I just like the loud music and the bright lights, when they have lights, and seeing a bunch of people. I've never been much for dancing. I like the concept, but I fail miserably in the actual practice. Also, the music at these things is somewhat of a gamble. The last one I went to was mostly rock and electronica. It was great. But, a lot of the time they focus more on the R&B side of dance music. Detestable. Also, that's usually not such a good fit for a church dance, but since when were standards and common sense such good buddies. Anyway, this dance is a bit different from most of them. There is supposed to be some sort of dance instruction bit before the dance. They are going to try to teach us to dance. I think that could be very good. The thing that I hate so much about trying to dance is that all people ever tell you is that you can't do it wrong, there are no rules. That's a load. Everything has rules, and I've seen it done so wrong. Besides, whenever I try what these people tell me to do they tell me it's wrong. Freakin' liars. I think I'm fairly adept at moving along to the rhythm of a song, but having some actual steps to follow would be a lot prettier than randomly thrashing around. Besides, chicks dig it.
That's still not quite all.
The dude I've been working with this last week is a character. He's seriously into biking, and his bike "club". I've been to his biker bar a few times. It's kind of cool and all, just not so much a place I think I'd want to go alone at night. I don't think I'd get hurt, mugged, or whatever, but I don't think they take kindly to strangers in their bar. Also, some of the guys I've seen there are into a lot more heavy biker "clubs". They do seem like cool enough guys, but I wouldn't want to mess with them. Anyway, starting at this bar is one of two big bike runs they have per year. This is the graveyard run. It involves riding from graveyard to graveyard downtown, finding graves of people who have been killed by the state for being werewolves, vampires, and witches. Along the way you collect playing cards, and there's some kind of contest involved with those. Then, everyone meets back at the what the hell saloon, and then from there they go back to their various club-houses and have some huge parties. The Halloween party at this guys clubhouse reportedly runs until dawn. From what I understand there is likely to be beer, strippers, and pot at this party. I was invited to the run and the party, but I've got this test when the run is going, and to be honest, the party sounds like just a bit much for an old Mormon boy like me. My nephew's birthday party is probably more my speed. Cake, ice cream, presents, and it's over. I can probably handle all of that.
Anyway, big day. I'm not even doing half of that. I was thinking I'll probably come back home after the test. Hang out at the birthday party for a while. It won't be all that long anyway. Then, unless something better comes up I'll probably head off to wherever the Mormon thing is, see some friends there, and try out this dancing thing. Maybe meet some new people, but realistically, that doesn't seem to be how I meet people. The Mensa bit should be good for that though, assuming I'm in. Well, here goes. Wish me luck and all.
That's not all that's going on today. October 22nd, 2005 must have some kind of otherworldly attraction, making all people want to host an event right now. There's just too much going on today. My nephew is having a birthday party today. I'm still not sure if I'll be able to make it, but it would be cool.
That's not one of the biggest events, they get bigger.
There's a church superevent. Some big all day activity. By all day I just mean from 8:30am to 11:30pm. They've got a bunch of speakers and probably lunch. After this, I'm sure they'll break for dinner and then begin the dance. I like church dances okay, which is not to say that I like them. Mostly I just like the loud music and the bright lights, when they have lights, and seeing a bunch of people. I've never been much for dancing. I like the concept, but I fail miserably in the actual practice. Also, the music at these things is somewhat of a gamble. The last one I went to was mostly rock and electronica. It was great. But, a lot of the time they focus more on the R&B side of dance music. Detestable. Also, that's usually not such a good fit for a church dance, but since when were standards and common sense such good buddies. Anyway, this dance is a bit different from most of them. There is supposed to be some sort of dance instruction bit before the dance. They are going to try to teach us to dance. I think that could be very good. The thing that I hate so much about trying to dance is that all people ever tell you is that you can't do it wrong, there are no rules. That's a load. Everything has rules, and I've seen it done so wrong. Besides, whenever I try what these people tell me to do they tell me it's wrong. Freakin' liars. I think I'm fairly adept at moving along to the rhythm of a song, but having some actual steps to follow would be a lot prettier than randomly thrashing around. Besides, chicks dig it.
That's still not quite all.
The dude I've been working with this last week is a character. He's seriously into biking, and his bike "club". I've been to his biker bar a few times. It's kind of cool and all, just not so much a place I think I'd want to go alone at night. I don't think I'd get hurt, mugged, or whatever, but I don't think they take kindly to strangers in their bar. Also, some of the guys I've seen there are into a lot more heavy biker "clubs". They do seem like cool enough guys, but I wouldn't want to mess with them. Anyway, starting at this bar is one of two big bike runs they have per year. This is the graveyard run. It involves riding from graveyard to graveyard downtown, finding graves of people who have been killed by the state for being werewolves, vampires, and witches. Along the way you collect playing cards, and there's some kind of contest involved with those. Then, everyone meets back at the what the hell saloon, and then from there they go back to their various club-houses and have some huge parties. The Halloween party at this guys clubhouse reportedly runs until dawn. From what I understand there is likely to be beer, strippers, and pot at this party. I was invited to the run and the party, but I've got this test when the run is going, and to be honest, the party sounds like just a bit much for an old Mormon boy like me. My nephew's birthday party is probably more my speed. Cake, ice cream, presents, and it's over. I can probably handle all of that.
Anyway, big day. I'm not even doing half of that. I was thinking I'll probably come back home after the test. Hang out at the birthday party for a while. It won't be all that long anyway. Then, unless something better comes up I'll probably head off to wherever the Mormon thing is, see some friends there, and try out this dancing thing. Maybe meet some new people, but realistically, that doesn't seem to be how I meet people. The Mensa bit should be good for that though, assuming I'm in. Well, here goes. Wish me luck and all.
Saturday, October 8, 2005
Mensa
It seems that mensa is having some national testing day again. I've wanted to test for mensa for a while now, but last time they had one of these testing days, the testing locations were on the other side of the state. Colorado, not one of those little eastern states. This time around there is a testing location about half an hour away. I still need to call and register with them, but if all goes well I should have some good news.
Still now new job, but I've started to put more effort into looking again. I've also thought about finding something closer and less demanding for the interim, but I don't think I really want to add another one to the list for no good reason. And, the job may be physically demanding but that's not without it's good points either. I might change my mind about that though. It's a lot easier to like my job when I'm not right about to head back for another week.
This one's a bit of a short post, but I should have some more good stuff before the month is out.
Still now new job, but I've started to put more effort into looking again. I've also thought about finding something closer and less demanding for the interim, but I don't think I really want to add another one to the list for no good reason. And, the job may be physically demanding but that's not without it's good points either. I might change my mind about that though. It's a lot easier to like my job when I'm not right about to head back for another week.
This one's a bit of a short post, but I should have some more good stuff before the month is out.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Waiting
Just an update while I wait. I was supposed to hear back about the job in Utah some time this weekend. I guess I shouldn't expect much puncuality after the mix up on interview times. I can't complain too much about that though. I got a copule days off from work out of it. I have mixed feelings about going to Utah, but I really hate the job I have. I hate living at home when I think I should be done with all of that now. I hate being out of school with only an associates degree to show for it. I just hate where my life is right now, and I don't really see a lot of other options.
I'm definetly going to miss people here if I go. It sucks that my brother just got back in town and I'm suddenly trying to get out. I had some tenative plans in my head for things we could do. It's just been good seeing him and his whole family again. I don't even mind having to move all of my crap upstairs anymore. I'm as settled here as I ever was down in my old room, which is to say I can either have a cleared off floor, or a cleared off bed, but never both. I'll miss a bunch of the people at church too. That one might be a little tougher, since the odds are that if I leave now I'll never see any of them again. If I could I would just move the job and school that I've been looking into in Utah over to here. Not have to leave anything or anyone. But I guess that's not usually how things work out. Life sucks and then you die.
There are people I won't miss, and a few who I would be happy to never see again. And, although I don't hate work every day, and there are a few people there who I enjoy seeing when I show up, there's not a damn thing I'll really miss about that place. Most Sunday nights I just sit up late for a while dreading going to sleep because I know that as soon as I do the whole thing is going to start over again. Even if I don't get the Utah job I know I'm not going to last much longer at this place. I can't stop thinking of ways to get out gracefully. It just seems somehow wrong to flat out quit. I shouldn't worry about it too much. I'll get out of there sooner or later.
Anticipating a response after this last interview is killing me though. I just hate waiting for some stranger to call or email me to let me know how my life is going to turn out.
I'm definetly going to miss people here if I go. It sucks that my brother just got back in town and I'm suddenly trying to get out. I had some tenative plans in my head for things we could do. It's just been good seeing him and his whole family again. I don't even mind having to move all of my crap upstairs anymore. I'm as settled here as I ever was down in my old room, which is to say I can either have a cleared off floor, or a cleared off bed, but never both. I'll miss a bunch of the people at church too. That one might be a little tougher, since the odds are that if I leave now I'll never see any of them again. If I could I would just move the job and school that I've been looking into in Utah over to here. Not have to leave anything or anyone. But I guess that's not usually how things work out. Life sucks and then you die.
There are people I won't miss, and a few who I would be happy to never see again. And, although I don't hate work every day, and there are a few people there who I enjoy seeing when I show up, there's not a damn thing I'll really miss about that place. Most Sunday nights I just sit up late for a while dreading going to sleep because I know that as soon as I do the whole thing is going to start over again. Even if I don't get the Utah job I know I'm not going to last much longer at this place. I can't stop thinking of ways to get out gracefully. It just seems somehow wrong to flat out quit. I shouldn't worry about it too much. I'll get out of there sooner or later.
Anticipating a response after this last interview is killing me though. I just hate waiting for some stranger to call or email me to let me know how my life is going to turn out.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Utah?
This month is not going as I had hoped. I've sort of given up on the whole novel bit. Temporarily anyway. I wrote for about one day so far this month, and I just didn't seem to have the motivation to go on with it. At least, not with all the other stuff I've got going on right now. What with work, and looking for new work, and doing stuff for church. I'm a bit disappointed with the situation, but I'm thinking maybe I'll try this mess again in October. October is a more fitting month for the mood of this book anyway.
My sister got married this month. The reception was good, I assume the ceremony was good. I can't say anything about the open house, that was today in Utah, and I'm in Colorado. I should have gone. I could have made some arrangement to drive down there while everyone else flies, but it seemed kind of pointless to drive all day, hang out for a bit, mostly with people I don't know, just to sleep and drive all day to get back. I should have gone though. There are a few people up there who I know, and like quite a bit, who were unable to come out here for the reception. I talked with them on the phone a bit today, but that's not really the same thing. It's not like I had better things to do today, mostly I just screwed around, watching TV and wishing I had something good to do. Pathetic. A man my age should be able to figure out something plenty good to do.
If I did go though, I wouldn't have been able to drive my friend Jane (not her real name) around all day after work yesterday. She is having car problems, and I suspect is not real happy with her life. Her temp job ends in a bit over a month, and she's thinking of moving to Utah to stay with some friend out there. I personally can't see myself moving somewhere for no reason. Not right now anyway. I just can't see anyone doing that unless they think they can get away from something. I've talked with Jane a bit about it though, and she seems pretty confidant that this is what she wants, so she really should go. I just wish I had something I wanted to do that badly. I feel like I'm just rotting away not going anywhere. I am going to miss her though. Last night driving around I was really able to open up to her as we were talking.
I don't open up and talk to anyone in real life. That was the problem with the last girl I was dating. I don't believe I've mentioned her here. It was after Jade, and after the thing that never really got going with Alice. Alice by the way is married now. Same wedding date as my sister, and the guy she married is an awesome guy. The two of them are going to be great together. This other girl though, I really liked. I don't know that I loved her, or anyone for that matter, but we would talk a bit, nothing serious. I hung out with her and her family a lot. I like her family, dad's a bit off though. I actually hung out with her and a bunch of her friends at her place for quite a while before we started dating. Thing is though, I never initiated anything with her. No hand holding, no hugging. If anything was to be going on it was only because she started it, and I went along with it. She found it frustrating, and told me so, and I agreed, but I never did anything about it. She kind of ended things after that, just like she started them. We still hang out sometimes and claim to be friends, and still I think she's great and all, but it still seems a bit awkward.
Anyway, I told all of this to Jane, and a bunch of other stuff. She just asked the right questions, and pushed just hard enough. Speaking of pushing, she pushed just a bit too hard with her foot on my windshield. Just a note to anyone out there, if you have a crack in your windshield do not for any reason put your foot on it. It takes surprisingly little pressure to make the crack into a much bigger crack. No shards of broken glass or anything, and it's an old VW beetle, so I can't really be too mad about the damage. I know she didn't mean to, and I've got holes in the seal around the windshield where the rain and snow blow in, and the thing stinks permanently like gasoline inside anyway. If I had a real job I'd get a new car. I could probably afford one okay with my current job, but I still don't want to think of repairing and inspecting fire extinguishers as my real job. It's good honest work and all, but what the hell did I go to school for it this is going to be my life. I should be better than all of this. I should be a lot of things.
I guess I just need to grow some balls. I need to figure out what I want from life, and I need to get out there and take it. Could you believe I still don't really know what I want to be when I grow up, and I'm about as grown as I am ever likely to get, baring some freak radiation which should kill me but instead gives me super powers. I've got to get me some of them.
I'm just not as sure as I used to be about the whole computer networking thing. There is just a huge problem with the supply and demand of IT professionals here. And as one of my teachers put it, computers are lifeless and you've really got to do something for your soul. She really wanted me to become some kind of artist. If I had no need for money I might have done that. Instead I chose the highly lucrative computer field, and I've still got no money to speak of.
I think that's what I hate most of all. All throughout school, things just seemed to be falling into place. The classes that I needed were always available, I ended up just falling into a degree and a heap of certifications. Things lined up effortlessly. I thought maybe it was because This was exactly what I was supposed to be doing with my life, and I thought that God was helping me make something of myself. It all just seemed to fall together too perfectly to be coincidence. Now, I don't know what to think. If God was helping me, why did he help me into this. What am I supposed to do now, and where am I supposed to go.
This is why I'm a bit jealous of Jane here. She has no more direction in life than me if you look at the facts, and what each of us have, but she manages to pull it out of thin air. She's all excited to drive her and her stuff all out to Utah, move in with a friend, and start looking for work. She is really loving this, loving life, and loving people. I can hardly tolerate any of those, and I don't know where or how she gets any of this.
Anyway, this post is about long enough, and it's got to be like two in one month now, so that's about my limit. I must have gone over everything in my life by now. I'll probably make a new entry next month.
My sister got married this month. The reception was good, I assume the ceremony was good. I can't say anything about the open house, that was today in Utah, and I'm in Colorado. I should have gone. I could have made some arrangement to drive down there while everyone else flies, but it seemed kind of pointless to drive all day, hang out for a bit, mostly with people I don't know, just to sleep and drive all day to get back. I should have gone though. There are a few people up there who I know, and like quite a bit, who were unable to come out here for the reception. I talked with them on the phone a bit today, but that's not really the same thing. It's not like I had better things to do today, mostly I just screwed around, watching TV and wishing I had something good to do. Pathetic. A man my age should be able to figure out something plenty good to do.
If I did go though, I wouldn't have been able to drive my friend Jane (not her real name) around all day after work yesterday. She is having car problems, and I suspect is not real happy with her life. Her temp job ends in a bit over a month, and she's thinking of moving to Utah to stay with some friend out there. I personally can't see myself moving somewhere for no reason. Not right now anyway. I just can't see anyone doing that unless they think they can get away from something. I've talked with Jane a bit about it though, and she seems pretty confidant that this is what she wants, so she really should go. I just wish I had something I wanted to do that badly. I feel like I'm just rotting away not going anywhere. I am going to miss her though. Last night driving around I was really able to open up to her as we were talking.
I don't open up and talk to anyone in real life. That was the problem with the last girl I was dating. I don't believe I've mentioned her here. It was after Jade, and after the thing that never really got going with Alice. Alice by the way is married now. Same wedding date as my sister, and the guy she married is an awesome guy. The two of them are going to be great together. This other girl though, I really liked. I don't know that I loved her, or anyone for that matter, but we would talk a bit, nothing serious. I hung out with her and her family a lot. I like her family, dad's a bit off though. I actually hung out with her and a bunch of her friends at her place for quite a while before we started dating. Thing is though, I never initiated anything with her. No hand holding, no hugging. If anything was to be going on it was only because she started it, and I went along with it. She found it frustrating, and told me so, and I agreed, but I never did anything about it. She kind of ended things after that, just like she started them. We still hang out sometimes and claim to be friends, and still I think she's great and all, but it still seems a bit awkward.
Anyway, I told all of this to Jane, and a bunch of other stuff. She just asked the right questions, and pushed just hard enough. Speaking of pushing, she pushed just a bit too hard with her foot on my windshield. Just a note to anyone out there, if you have a crack in your windshield do not for any reason put your foot on it. It takes surprisingly little pressure to make the crack into a much bigger crack. No shards of broken glass or anything, and it's an old VW beetle, so I can't really be too mad about the damage. I know she didn't mean to, and I've got holes in the seal around the windshield where the rain and snow blow in, and the thing stinks permanently like gasoline inside anyway. If I had a real job I'd get a new car. I could probably afford one okay with my current job, but I still don't want to think of repairing and inspecting fire extinguishers as my real job. It's good honest work and all, but what the hell did I go to school for it this is going to be my life. I should be better than all of this. I should be a lot of things.
I guess I just need to grow some balls. I need to figure out what I want from life, and I need to get out there and take it. Could you believe I still don't really know what I want to be when I grow up, and I'm about as grown as I am ever likely to get, baring some freak radiation which should kill me but instead gives me super powers. I've got to get me some of them.
I'm just not as sure as I used to be about the whole computer networking thing. There is just a huge problem with the supply and demand of IT professionals here. And as one of my teachers put it, computers are lifeless and you've really got to do something for your soul. She really wanted me to become some kind of artist. If I had no need for money I might have done that. Instead I chose the highly lucrative computer field, and I've still got no money to speak of.
I think that's what I hate most of all. All throughout school, things just seemed to be falling into place. The classes that I needed were always available, I ended up just falling into a degree and a heap of certifications. Things lined up effortlessly. I thought maybe it was because This was exactly what I was supposed to be doing with my life, and I thought that God was helping me make something of myself. It all just seemed to fall together too perfectly to be coincidence. Now, I don't know what to think. If God was helping me, why did he help me into this. What am I supposed to do now, and where am I supposed to go.
This is why I'm a bit jealous of Jane here. She has no more direction in life than me if you look at the facts, and what each of us have, but she manages to pull it out of thin air. She's all excited to drive her and her stuff all out to Utah, move in with a friend, and start looking for work. She is really loving this, loving life, and loving people. I can hardly tolerate any of those, and I don't know where or how she gets any of this.
Anyway, this post is about long enough, and it's got to be like two in one month now, so that's about my limit. I must have gone over everything in my life by now. I'll probably make a new entry next month.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Novel
I'm still working at the fire safety place. I don't hate it there, but there's no future, and I don't like it there. I am of course grateful for the opportunity to work, and more grateful for the money, but this isn't where I saw my life.
I'm still looking for a job related to my degree. Something with computer networking, or room to potentially advance would be nice, but I'm thinking I screwed up somewhere along the line. I know I sacrificed doing something I like for something that will make money, I figured I would then have time and leisure to do the things I like, but it turns out I'm not making money. I wish I were an artist, or a counselor, some kind of scientist, or an astronaut cowboy for all it matters. I'm twenty five, living with my family, looking at a career that I don't have, and don't think I'm supposed to have, and trying to scratch out a few options.
Maybe that's part of why I'm trying this new novelling thing. I know it's fairly unlikely that I'm going to make it big as an author. There's not likely a lot of money in this one, but it's something I've wanted to do, that I've tried to get going a couple of times. This time I have one month. There's this national novel writing month thing in November. I'm going to do it in August. The goal is to have a story written out, 50,000 words in length, in one month. It's a rough draft really, but that's a great deal better than I've done so far. I may not be blogging much in August, but then what else is new.
I know when I write here I make it sound like I hate my life. Really I don't, but at times I do, and writing about it seems to help. Hopefully In a little more than a month I'll have a new entry here bragging about a newly written manuscript. I'd like to throw in some good things once in a while for you.
I'm still looking for a job related to my degree. Something with computer networking, or room to potentially advance would be nice, but I'm thinking I screwed up somewhere along the line. I know I sacrificed doing something I like for something that will make money, I figured I would then have time and leisure to do the things I like, but it turns out I'm not making money. I wish I were an artist, or a counselor, some kind of scientist, or an astronaut cowboy for all it matters. I'm twenty five, living with my family, looking at a career that I don't have, and don't think I'm supposed to have, and trying to scratch out a few options.
Maybe that's part of why I'm trying this new novelling thing. I know it's fairly unlikely that I'm going to make it big as an author. There's not likely a lot of money in this one, but it's something I've wanted to do, that I've tried to get going a couple of times. This time I have one month. There's this national novel writing month thing in November. I'm going to do it in August. The goal is to have a story written out, 50,000 words in length, in one month. It's a rough draft really, but that's a great deal better than I've done so far. I may not be blogging much in August, but then what else is new.
I know when I write here I make it sound like I hate my life. Really I don't, but at times I do, and writing about it seems to help. Hopefully In a little more than a month I'll have a new entry here bragging about a newly written manuscript. I'd like to throw in some good things once in a while for you.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Job
I got a job, not the purposeful kind, just the kind you have when you have nothing better to do. It involves a lot of waiting. In between waiting I push a button and read a line to a guy over a radio. Then I wait. I'm glad to have the work, but it's not where I pictured my life after college. I'm still working on finding a job, but at least now I'm not unemployed, I'm underemployed.
I got a girlfriend too. This one lasted more than a week, which is a new record. I'm quite happy with that. She wasn't even crazy or unstable or anything. We don't date anymore. Apparently women like to feel wanted and appreciated. They don't like to have to make all of the moves. They like a guy who takes some initiative. I don't do that so much. It seems that I have a couple more issues than I knew. We're still friends and all. I'm going over there with some other friends to watch some movies tonight. I'm glad things turned out so well, because she really is an awesome girl, and we were pretty good friends beforehand.
I still miss going to school. I liked having something worthwhile to do. I liked thinking that my life was going somewhere soon, like things were about to really take off. I wish I could still believe that, but maybe it will be easier once I've got a more solid career type job. My father tells me that I should be looking for the type of job where you sit there and answer phones, and try to troubleshoot for people. That's not too bad I guess, it would be more relevant to my education than what I'm doing now working with fire extinguishers and alarm systems, but I thought I would be able to do better than that with the certifications and degree I hold. My future brother in law does that kind of work without any completed college.
That, sums up the entire month. I seriously hope I'll be posting again early July with great news of great jobs and crap. Until then.
I got a girlfriend too. This one lasted more than a week, which is a new record. I'm quite happy with that. She wasn't even crazy or unstable or anything. We don't date anymore. Apparently women like to feel wanted and appreciated. They don't like to have to make all of the moves. They like a guy who takes some initiative. I don't do that so much. It seems that I have a couple more issues than I knew. We're still friends and all. I'm going over there with some other friends to watch some movies tonight. I'm glad things turned out so well, because she really is an awesome girl, and we were pretty good friends beforehand.
I still miss going to school. I liked having something worthwhile to do. I liked thinking that my life was going somewhere soon, like things were about to really take off. I wish I could still believe that, but maybe it will be easier once I've got a more solid career type job. My father tells me that I should be looking for the type of job where you sit there and answer phones, and try to troubleshoot for people. That's not too bad I guess, it would be more relevant to my education than what I'm doing now working with fire extinguishers and alarm systems, but I thought I would be able to do better than that with the certifications and degree I hold. My future brother in law does that kind of work without any completed college.
That, sums up the entire month. I seriously hope I'll be posting again early July with great news of great jobs and crap. Until then.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Graduated
I graduated, and it turns out that school was the only thing that gave my life any purpose.
It also turns out that I made some of the worst possible choices with my education.
Seems an associates degree in computer information systems should be able to get me a $12 an hour job around here. This whole computer thing that I thought would always be in demand is over supplied.
I was worth $12 when I started this stuff a couple of years ago, I was worth $12 five years before that when I got out of high school. I'm worth $12 now, and I've got myself a few thousand in debt.
If I get a bachelor's degree, some company might give a shit about me.
If I had gone to a different school, I could get a bachelor's degree at that school, but this one only offers associate's degrees.
If I had gone with intent to transfer, I could have taken some classes that fucking transfer, but I went with the intent to get a degree, and now I have one where most of the classes do not transfer.
Some colleges, like the University of Northern Colorado, will accept the whole degree as a transfer of 60 credits. That is, they'll take some degrees. They don't take an Associate of Applied Science.
I worked at a nice restaraunt in high school, the kind with waiters, and a bar, and everything. It was good money for a high school job. Once I graduated I got a job with a desk and a computer, a job you dress up nicely for. It was the kind of job that pays for your school, if you go. I didn't go.
The company started to have a few problems. They stopped paying for college, but I wasn't going anyway. I had moved out into a nice apartment and was still enjoying life, but really thinking I wasn't doing enough.
I started taking some classes at the local community college. It went for about a year. I liked it, but at the rate I was going it would have taken me five more years to get a two year degree so I moved back in with my parents, left my job, and started going to school full time.
Two years later I'm done.
I'm twenty five years old, and no better than I was seven years ago. Meanwhile my younger brothers and sisters are all in decent schools at decent times, and my older brother is a cop, just like he always wanted to be.
I still don't know what I want to be, what I want to do, or how I'm supposed to get there.
It's too late now to admit that I'm not a huge fan of computers. I know a pretty good amount about them. They usually do what I tell them. I used to think that that would be good enough, that I could make plenty of money off of that, and that I could use that money to do things that I actually cared about.
I am such a dumbass, and I hate my life. I would give anything to go back to when I was about halfway through high school, and have a redo. I don't see any more options from this point. Without being able to transfer most of my credits it's got to take me like, at least three more years to get a bachelor's degree.
I don't want to live here like this for that long. I don't want to be a burden on my parents. I don't want to be some pathetic jackass living in his parent's basement. I can't respect that guy, and I don't know how anyone else could.
It also turns out that I made some of the worst possible choices with my education.
Seems an associates degree in computer information systems should be able to get me a $12 an hour job around here. This whole computer thing that I thought would always be in demand is over supplied.
I was worth $12 when I started this stuff a couple of years ago, I was worth $12 five years before that when I got out of high school. I'm worth $12 now, and I've got myself a few thousand in debt.
If I get a bachelor's degree, some company might give a shit about me.
If I had gone to a different school, I could get a bachelor's degree at that school, but this one only offers associate's degrees.
If I had gone with intent to transfer, I could have taken some classes that fucking transfer, but I went with the intent to get a degree, and now I have one where most of the classes do not transfer.
Some colleges, like the University of Northern Colorado, will accept the whole degree as a transfer of 60 credits. That is, they'll take some degrees. They don't take an Associate of Applied Science.
I worked at a nice restaraunt in high school, the kind with waiters, and a bar, and everything. It was good money for a high school job. Once I graduated I got a job with a desk and a computer, a job you dress up nicely for. It was the kind of job that pays for your school, if you go. I didn't go.
The company started to have a few problems. They stopped paying for college, but I wasn't going anyway. I had moved out into a nice apartment and was still enjoying life, but really thinking I wasn't doing enough.
I started taking some classes at the local community college. It went for about a year. I liked it, but at the rate I was going it would have taken me five more years to get a two year degree so I moved back in with my parents, left my job, and started going to school full time.
Two years later I'm done.
I'm twenty five years old, and no better than I was seven years ago. Meanwhile my younger brothers and sisters are all in decent schools at decent times, and my older brother is a cop, just like he always wanted to be.
I still don't know what I want to be, what I want to do, or how I'm supposed to get there.
It's too late now to admit that I'm not a huge fan of computers. I know a pretty good amount about them. They usually do what I tell them. I used to think that that would be good enough, that I could make plenty of money off of that, and that I could use that money to do things that I actually cared about.
I am such a dumbass, and I hate my life. I would give anything to go back to when I was about halfway through high school, and have a redo. I don't see any more options from this point. Without being able to transfer most of my credits it's got to take me like, at least three more years to get a bachelor's degree.
I don't want to live here like this for that long. I don't want to be a burden on my parents. I don't want to be some pathetic jackass living in his parent's basement. I can't respect that guy, and I don't know how anyone else could.
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