Saturday, December 25, 2004

I love egg

Every now and then you just come across something that makes you stop and say WTF!!! This is one of those things. The Iloveegg website is bizarre, and I can't figure out if the site is trying to boost the egg industry, like, "Beef, it's what's for dinner," and, "Got Milk?" or, if they are trying to sell something like Hello Kitty. I tell you, the things people do.

Anyway, that's about all I have for now. Merry Christmas, or Happy Hanukkah, or Glad Yule, or whatever it is you do. Festivus?

Monday, December 20, 2004


There was a talent show a couple days ago, combined with a Christmas dinner at church. They were short on people, so I performed. I play guitar a bit. The show was not bad, and I wasn't the low point or anything, so that was cool. There was a lot of pretty good stuff. A couple other people with guitars, a few singers. Usual stuff I guess. Then today, we had a Christmas program, being the Sunday before Christmas and all. It went fairly well, could have used a little more polish though. Not the best one I've ever been in, but it was the first time our choir ever performed.

Just to update on Jade, we talked, and she asked me what I wanted. It told her. We're doing the friends thing now. I think it will fade. Like I said, nothing in common. She was talking to some other guy, at a movie a whole crapload of us were at. He has a girlfriend, but he seems to like her alright. Unless I'm just nuts or something.

Thursday, December 16, 2004


So, here's one.

Kind of a big day, a big week really. I just came in from outside, I spent some time out there walking around, thinking. The cold is still in my fingers, and it makes it hard to type.

I said it's been a big day/week, not a good one, although it has honestly been great. Also, given the choice I may prefer to do without it.

I met this girl. Really she met me. I didn't have a whole lot to do with the proceedings, although I was certainly a willing participant. I'm going to call this girl Jade in this post, for the sake of anonymity.

So, Jade came up to me, we were talking, she told me some pretty personal things. Things you wouldn't normally share with people, but she said she really liked me. I liked her, too. This was all last Monday. It's Friday now, early Friday. Late Thursday really.

We went out with a bunch of friends, to Denny's. Just to hang out really. No one was hungry. Jade asked me If I liked her. If I wanted to go out with her. The idea intrigued me. No one has ever liked me like that before, and I had seen her before, and thought she was pretty cute. Different from the others I see around church too. I drove her home that night. I went home feeling like I had won the lottery.

Jade has one screwed up life. I really feel bad for her, and I know I can't ever really understand where she is coming from.

She seems to have some kind of problems with dependency. Maybe that's all she saw in me, someone to love so she can feel whole. I wish I could help her with that. She seems so strong in so many other ways, but she constantly asked me if I loved her, and was always telling me that she gave me her heart, and that she would love me forever.

I can't cope with that.

Maybe it's just that Jade is too much younger than I am. There is a bit of a gap, and although I don't doubt her sincerity when she says she loves me, I can't believe that she understands what she is saying.

It's too cold in here. I can't type right. Shivering too much.

Okay, back with coat. I think I was out too long. I wanted to feel the cold, to feel something, but It just wasn't hitting me. It's hitting me now.

Anyway, The day after Denny's, she called me. She wanted to know if I wanted to go hang out at her house. It was great. We just hung around for a while, talked. I met her brother, he's a putz. But he's just at that age. Her mother came home. Her mother is short, skinny, missing a couple of teeth, and has a mullet going on. Jade doesn't especially get along with her mother. She gets along with her father, step-father, okay, but he's in jail for some DUI sort of thing.

After a while, we started watching a movie. Waterworld. I like that movie. It just has a cool style to it. Normally when I say a movie has a cool style, it's a Tim Burton movie, but this one has a totally different feel. Jade likes the movie alright too. We were sitting by each other of course, and she put her hand on my chest. There was a time not too long ago, when I thought that would be just about the perfect way to watch a movie, and it turns out it was. As I left that night, we were saying goodbye, and she kissed me. I've never done that before. It was really nice.

I don't think we have too much in common though. I'm working on getting a couple more technical certifications to go with the CCNA I already have, and Jade hates computers. She wants to be either a nurse, a veterinarian, or a cosmetologist. I thought the first two were cool, but it turns out, Jade has a thing against gross things (the scenes from Waterworld were a bit much for her), and science (It came up a couple of times, and she just changed the subject, and said she didn't like that sort of thing). Understandable, but not exactly something I find desirable. Jade is not without her good points. She has a sort of goth-punk thing going, which I really kind of like, and she doesn't let it get so harsh that it gets annoying, She's into rodeo, and knows stuff about cows and horses. Not an interest I share, but it's nice to talk about briefly.

Anyway, I kept hoping there would be something we would have in common that would come up. We had only known each other for a couple of days, so there was a lot we didn't know about each other.

The thing that bugged me I think was the dependency. I was thinking maybe that was just an initial thing, maybe it would mellow out in a bit. Tuesday, Jade must have called me like four or five times. She kind of wanted me to go over again. We were already planning on me going down there on Friday. I don't know much about relationships, but I'm thinking that can't be right. She called me as much on Wednesday too. It was nice talking to her both days, just a bit overwhelming. She did it again today. She always wants to know if I love her, I thought I was clear that I didn't know yet. She told me she had given me her heart, that I knew that, and today, she said I was ripping it up and throwing it away.

I can't deal with that.

We were standing around at church today, talking with a bunch of friends. I find them to be friends. I thought she liked them. She apparently hates the guy I was talking to. She says he really frustrates her. She walked up to him, and hugged him a couple of times, seemed to me that she liked him okay. He made a couple of cracks about how women were nothing but trouble, I laughed, she got pissed.

Women are nothing but trouble.

Jade started doing things like pulling the hair on the back of my head, smacking my arms, pinching my back. None of which are too unpleasant, but I have to wonder where she is going with this. She's had a few, maybe more than a few boyfriends who were abusive. I'm not saying she did anything on the level of what she's told me about, but this was a sudden change that I don't like.

The guy she says she hates asked why I was getting punished for what he said. Shortly after that she went outside and told me to follow her. I left them to go talk. That was when she said I'm ripping her heart up. She asked me again if I even want to keep dating her. She asks me so much I wonder what she wants. I think I'm done now. We're going to talk tomorrow. I've got to say something about this all, I just don't know what. I'm just pretty sure this is over now.

That was when I started walking around. I cut up my fists a bit on a brick wall, I ran a little, the cold air made my lungs hurt. I laid on the grass (the areas that had no snow) for a while to think. And I walked around some more. Then I put my coat back on, got in the car, and drove home. I'm sure there are better ways to deal with stress, but I don't know them.

So, one girlfriend for almost a week. That's like a record. Anyway, I'm still cold, and I'm tired, and I've had about enough of this for now.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Now with 30% less lame!

This blog comes to you with 30% less lame. This means I finally bit the freakin' bullet, and did that whole bit of a date thing. The one I've been supposed to do since August 28th. It was a hoot. We watched Hero. It's a good movie. Awesome style, unusual story. Good company to watch it with.

In other news, I've completed another semester at the community college. I got straight A's in all four classes, and now need to schedule the A+ exam with CompTIA. Wish me luck. I understand that it is much easier than the CCNA exam, which I already have passed, but you're never sure until it's over.

I also just finished a couple of Neil Gaiman's books. I recommend American Gods, and Stardust. Both good. Both seem typical of what I have come to know of Gaiman's style. He seems to like the surreal fantasy world, but in American Gods, like Neverwhere, he keeps it in a modern setting, still as unreal as Tolkien's works. Gaiman does tend to have some moments that are just a little too unbelievable, but his characters stay interesting, and real, and the characters are really why I read the books anyway.

Alright, I've got some studying for the big exam, and some sleep to get here, and the sleep is about to win out over both studying and writing.

Saturday, December 4, 2004

True Dreams

There's an old saying I've heard. I think it's Greek. It's something about how the truest dreams are dreamt in the morning. I don't know where they get that, maybe because those are the only ones you can remember well. I don't know.

I had a strange one this morning. I dreamt that I died.

It was brief. I was working on someone's electrical outlet. A friend's, trying to make it work again. I'm not sure what was wrong with it, I think it was one of those ones that only works with a light switch, and she wanted a normal one. This part probably comes from a discussion I was having with the friend I recently went climbing with. Anyway, I was using a multimeter to test the current in the outlet, and I couldn't remember how to use it correctly. As soon as I touched one of the leads to the outlet, I felt the electricity flowing through my arms, and I felt my heart stop. It doesn't seem like something you would normally feel, it wasn't like a painful heart attack or anything, I just felt a brief pulse, and then the silence when it stops beating. It was a strange sensation. The last thing I saw was a bright flash of light, a little greenish around the edges. In the light was a woman, I could only see part of her, from just below the breasts to about the middle of the hips. Bare skin glowing, and surrounded with the green light. It was so bright it hurt my eyes.

Then I woke up. It was 8:30 and I couldn't go back to sleep. I wasn't tired. My eyes were dry, and didn't want to open, but I wasn't tired. And I only went to sleep five or six hours before this. Normally I go to bed late, wake up at 11:00, and could usually go back to sleep for a little while longer, to catch a total of about eight hours. And, I haven't felt tired from this today.

I'm not saying this is a prophecy or anything, with that whole Greek true dream crap, unless I like, die tomorrow or something. Seems unlikely. It was just a very real feeling dream, kind of unnerving.

Too Lame

Two posts in one day, this didn't really belong with the other post. I mentioned on the August 28th entry that I won two dates in a church activity. One of these was taken care of within like, a couple of weeks. The other one I still have done nothing with.

I am such a wuss.

I was given a card to rent a movie at a local grocery store, and a bag of microwave popcorn, and I was supposed to then ask her on a date. Here's where bein a wuss comes in. I still have done nothing about that. The first one was taken care of quickly only because she set the time and date. The second one though, no such luck. She even mentioned it once, and all I did was some lame bashful mumble, like, "yeah, I meant to do that, I still have the stuff for it." How lame am I?

It's not like I dislike her or anything, she is quite possibly the most awesome person I have ever met. She likes to run, and hike, and camp. She's even built and slept in a snowcave. I always wanted to build and live in a snowcave. I mean sleep in a snowcave. Just for like one night.

She's been bungee jumping.

Also, she laughs a lot. And hums with songs she's never heard before. Freakin' awesome.

I realize that I'm pretty bad here, but in my defense, I do talk to her, and I took her rock climbing today. That's almost like a date.

One of these days I've got to freakin' grow up and stop being afraid of girls.


So, I'm watching the news here, and apparently you are not allowed to have a Christmas float in a holiday parade going on downtown here. What the crap man. They do have a gay/lesbian float, but Christmas is too controversial in a holiday parade. I think if they denied a Chanukah float, there would be talk of antisemitism.

The world is just freakin' wrong. I'd be pissed if they refused any major holiday in a HOLIDAY parade.

The separation of church and state is not currently in existence. It's just that the church they support isn't the Catholic or Anglican one now, it's The Holy Church of Athiesm. And Athiesm is a religion. Complete with proselytizing.

Saying students can't pray in school is as wrong as saying they have to. Not that I pray much in school. I'm not that guy. Still.

Friday, December 3, 2004


The word of the day is SCREWIT.

The bonsai is most certainly dead. Screwit.

I was tired of the look of my blog. Too much default, not enough style, so I stole some style from a great blog I read. Freakin' thieves.

The artwork is entirely mine. I scanned a black ink drawing I made, and photoshopped some color into it.

The color scheme is also mine. Created from a Juggling toy I have. If any of you aren't familiar with devil sticks, get acquainted.

So all I really stole was the complicated code that makes it all laid out nicely. That's the new look. It's not quite done, but at least it's a look.

Anyway, it looks like I skipped November. I guess it wasn't as exciting as I had hoped. I went to my grandparents house for Thanksgiving, saw a small pile of cousins I was unfamiliar with. I knew their names and all, it's just been about 12 or 13 years since I lived in Utah with the lot of them.

That was the entirety of November. Half a paragraph. Not the way to blog. One of these days I swear I'll get better.